My special angel came into this world 55 years ago today. The Dalai Lama says that when a beautiful, good young person dies, one of the lessons we should learn is the impermanence of life.
There is something beautiful, tragic, and profoundly sad when such a beautiful human being as Sari dies suddenly, unexpectedly, at the young age of 24. She never grew old. Never married, died alone. In my eyes, Sari was an angel here on earth, and I believe with all my heart and soul, that she made the transition from this world to her heavenly home smoothly, with a minimum of trauma and fear.
I know I am crazy to still love some one who died over 30 years ago, and to write my feelings in this memorial blog. I only get around to it a couple times a year, and I am sure no one will ever read it other than me. Why I do it? I don't know, I'm nuts, I guess. Well, happy birthday, my beautiful angel. Hope I see you sometime between now and eternity.....
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
30 years today
I wanted to make an entry on Sari's birthday, December 13th. Would have been her 54th. 30 years ago today my beautiful angel left this world. In the last week and a half, in the space of less than two days, I was with people very dear to me as they passed from this life. The first was a 67 year old blues master, who was given six months to live over 4 years ago. I loved playing music with him, and I would like to flatter myself that he felt the same. But John Henry Isaac was a noble gentleman, and a class act. I held his hand and talked to him from the heart moments before he breathed his last.
Dr. William Hagerman was my patient for the past 8 years. I was with him when he died less than two days after John Henry. Dr. Bill had been in declining health for a long time, and his quality of life had flown long ago. He was pushing 84.
And 2 sad funerals, one day after the other.
There is something very different, yet similar in the passing of my Sari. There had been no decline in the quality of her life, no lingering illness eating her life away. She had always been the picture of health, vitality, and effervescence. She filled the room with her aura. She was robbed of her life as she slept by a sudden, unexpected cerebral hemorrhage. Some time in the course of February 5th, when she had not reported to her teaching job, someone went to check on her. Her body was discovered around 3 p.m.
Sari had certainly not even peaked, not yet reached anywhere close to the prime of her life. She died young, beautiful, so full of promise. If not me (alas!), she would have made some very blessed man a wonderful wife...She would have been a remarkable mother...we would have made some beautiful children together.
I know it is not "right" to think about someone as I do Sari, especially 30 years since she died. You know, don't live in the past, etc. I will be the first to admit I am a hopeless, pathetic, maudlin, sentimental fool. For some reason, Sari remains very special, very precious to me. My memories of her remain sacred.
The days, months, and years continue to roll by. We see the ones we love leave this life, reminding us that our stay here is so brief. Those who loved us long ago when we were young are growing old, and like me, falling apart. I wonder if the Sari I knew would recognize me. Hah...But my beautiful angel is forever young. I would like to think that heartache and despair were as yet fairly unknown to her. I know losing her daddy when she was 10 must have been hard. We talked about that.....
Some people you remember, some you forget. Sari left such a deep impression on my psyche and soul. My faith tells me that our souls will meet again.
Dr. William Hagerman was my patient for the past 8 years. I was with him when he died less than two days after John Henry. Dr. Bill had been in declining health for a long time, and his quality of life had flown long ago. He was pushing 84.
And 2 sad funerals, one day after the other.
There is something very different, yet similar in the passing of my Sari. There had been no decline in the quality of her life, no lingering illness eating her life away. She had always been the picture of health, vitality, and effervescence. She filled the room with her aura. She was robbed of her life as she slept by a sudden, unexpected cerebral hemorrhage. Some time in the course of February 5th, when she had not reported to her teaching job, someone went to check on her. Her body was discovered around 3 p.m.
Sari had certainly not even peaked, not yet reached anywhere close to the prime of her life. She died young, beautiful, so full of promise. If not me (alas!), she would have made some very blessed man a wonderful wife...She would have been a remarkable mother...we would have made some beautiful children together.
I know it is not "right" to think about someone as I do Sari, especially 30 years since she died. You know, don't live in the past, etc. I will be the first to admit I am a hopeless, pathetic, maudlin, sentimental fool. For some reason, Sari remains very special, very precious to me. My memories of her remain sacred.
The days, months, and years continue to roll by. We see the ones we love leave this life, reminding us that our stay here is so brief. Those who loved us long ago when we were young are growing old, and like me, falling apart. I wonder if the Sari I knew would recognize me. Hah...But my beautiful angel is forever young. I would like to think that heartache and despair were as yet fairly unknown to her. I know losing her daddy when she was 10 must have been hard. We talked about that.....
Some people you remember, some you forget. Sari left such a deep impression on my psyche and soul. My faith tells me that our souls will meet again.
Friday, October 3, 2008
sweet angel
Edgar Allen Poe said that the most romantic thing he could think of was the tragic death of a young woman. Thinking about Poe's life and work, one realizes that Poe was a pretty morose, depressed person. When I read this, of course it brought to mind for me my Sari. Romantic? I don't know about that, but the untimely, unexpected death of a beautiful young person does make the perception of them ageless and timeless.
To me, Sari will eternally be young, fresh, beautiful...No one on this earth ever knew her as middle aged or "old". She was and is and will always be a wise, gentle, loving soul. I believe with all my heart that our souls will again cross paths on our mutual journeys through eternity.
To me, Sari will eternally be young, fresh, beautiful...No one on this earth ever knew her as middle aged or "old". She was and is and will always be a wise, gentle, loving soul. I believe with all my heart that our souls will again cross paths on our mutual journeys through eternity.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Festival
Well, our annual Festival International is over for another year. My 7th yr of volunteering. According to National Geographic, it is one of the 8 best festivals in the U. S.
I only bring this up because at times like Festival, when I am busy and having fun, socializing with friends and the public, often the thought comes to my mind, "I wonder if Sari would enjoy this...". Thoughts of her are involuntary, and come at times I would least expect. And I wonder what heaven is like...and I wish she could tell me...
I only bring this up because at times like Festival, when I am busy and having fun, socializing with friends and the public, often the thought comes to my mind, "I wonder if Sari would enjoy this...". Thoughts of her are involuntary, and come at times I would least expect. And I wonder what heaven is like...and I wish she could tell me...
Friday, March 21, 2008
quit smoking
I knew there was some point to me mentioning trying to quit smoking twice right before meeting Sari. After I first laid eyes on her, I never again had the desire to pursue that nasty habit. I sensed from the start that she was wholesome and without nasty habits. And I guess from the start I wanted to try to be worthy of such a fine human being. I never smoked RWH around her, and deflected the many joy sticks being passed to her at the Grateful Dead concert I took her to. More on that later.
meeting an angel
June 1973...I had just turned 24, and one evening I was with friends in an apartment house rec room, playing pool. These friends were about 5 years younger, and I knew a couple of them from their older brothers, who had been in my high school class of 1967.
I had "tried" to quit my 6 year habit of cigarette smoking twice that spring, but was still smoking. I was vaguely aware that a few people had come in, and taken stools against the wall. I was busy with making my shot, and when I did, I finally looked up to see who had come in. They were three young women who obviously knew my friends, and were their contemporaries, all of the CHS class of 1972.
One of them was a stunningly beautiful brunette, long wavy dark brown hair, classically gorgeous face, and a stunningly voluptuous body in the full bloom of young womanhood. She was wearing jeans and a blouse that could have been the one in the double exposure photo posted here.
I have always depended on my passive approach with meeting women, never one to approach them with "lines". I usually passed up the really beautiful ones, I suppose, fearing rejection. Or I assume "She is so fine, she must be taken".
But in this case, all of my personal insecurities and issues took a back seat to my desire to meet this beauty. Many adults lack social skills, and more so with teenagers. None of our mutual friends thought to introduce us, so I walked up to her and introduced myself. We shook hands, and their was electricity...magic, in her touch. I had never known anyone with the name "Sari"...had never heard the name. Her smile totally disarmed me. In spite of being blown away by her beauty, smile, and sweetness, I mustered up enough courage to ask her to go to dinner with me the next night. I figured, nothing ventured, nothing gained, and I will probably be turned down, but I had to ask. Was I flabbergasted when she accepted.
Later that evening, I began to suspect that all our mutual male friends had gone through an inevitable phase of being in love with Sari. I can't imagine any man knowing Sari without being in love with her, but I am slightly biased where Sari is concerned.
Even though I was the cool worldly experienced male, I was obsessed with how I was going to impress this beauty. I was to find that this was in vain and unnecessary, and that the young woman I had met was not impressed by bullshit. Her values were real. I had no idea of the lifelong ride my heart was about to take, for better or worse.
I had "tried" to quit my 6 year habit of cigarette smoking twice that spring, but was still smoking. I was vaguely aware that a few people had come in, and taken stools against the wall. I was busy with making my shot, and when I did, I finally looked up to see who had come in. They were three young women who obviously knew my friends, and were their contemporaries, all of the CHS class of 1972.
One of them was a stunningly beautiful brunette, long wavy dark brown hair, classically gorgeous face, and a stunningly voluptuous body in the full bloom of young womanhood. She was wearing jeans and a blouse that could have been the one in the double exposure photo posted here.
I have always depended on my passive approach with meeting women, never one to approach them with "lines". I usually passed up the really beautiful ones, I suppose, fearing rejection. Or I assume "She is so fine, she must be taken".
But in this case, all of my personal insecurities and issues took a back seat to my desire to meet this beauty. Many adults lack social skills, and more so with teenagers. None of our mutual friends thought to introduce us, so I walked up to her and introduced myself. We shook hands, and their was electricity...magic, in her touch. I had never known anyone with the name "Sari"...had never heard the name. Her smile totally disarmed me. In spite of being blown away by her beauty, smile, and sweetness, I mustered up enough courage to ask her to go to dinner with me the next night. I figured, nothing ventured, nothing gained, and I will probably be turned down, but I had to ask. Was I flabbergasted when she accepted.
Later that evening, I began to suspect that all our mutual male friends had gone through an inevitable phase of being in love with Sari. I can't imagine any man knowing Sari without being in love with her, but I am slightly biased where Sari is concerned.
Even though I was the cool worldly experienced male, I was obsessed with how I was going to impress this beauty. I was to find that this was in vain and unnecessary, and that the young woman I had met was not impressed by bullshit. Her values were real. I had no idea of the lifelong ride my heart was about to take, for better or worse.
Monday, March 10, 2008
epitaph
I recently went west to Concord, CA, for the funeral of an old friend. Even though it is over 400 miles out of my way, I made a pilgrimage down to Los Angeles to pay my respects at Sari's final resting place. It is one of the oldest and biggest cemeteries in that city. She has a little marker, as does her daddy, who died when Sari was 11, and her mama, who survived her daughter by 7 years.
Her marker reads: Sari Anne Gacsaly
1954 - 1979
Sari possessed a constant, noble, loving nature,
Filled with grace and beauty.
To sum up a human being and their life in just 12 words...Well, her family did not have forever to consider her epitaph, and I don't know how anyone could have said it any better in 12 words.
Those words on the marker are so true, but if someone who did not know Sarie read them, they could not begin to know how true those words are.
Her marker reads: Sari Anne Gacsaly
1954 - 1979
Sari possessed a constant, noble, loving nature,
Filled with grace and beauty.
To sum up a human being and their life in just 12 words...Well, her family did not have forever to consider her epitaph, and I don't know how anyone could have said it any better in 12 words.
Those words on the marker are so true, but if someone who did not know Sarie read them, they could not begin to know how true those words are.
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